Time to Get Real

It's time to get real. As I stated in my last blog it does not help to beat yourself up for the past, but what I am realizing today is the importance of not being afraid to look at the full truth in order to move ahead.

I am facing the harsh reality of my neglect of consistent healthy living. A few years ago, I looked at my obesity as more of a social situation for me than a health one. Although I knew on the charts my BMI was extremely dangerous, my labs had always been good, I did a lot more exercise than most people I knew and enjoyed extremely good health for most people my age, and definitely for someone of my size.

I always felt I needed to change to feel good about myself, but felt as long as I stayed active that the other symptoms that catch up to many people with my weight and sporadic eating habits weren't going to affect me as much. I mention this because I hope that if someone needs to read this that they will realize how quickly things can pile up. I don't say this to create fear but more so as placing out an option to think about, being: Don't wait! Do what you can while you have your full health.

Now I am not trying to alarm. I have not had a heart attack or anything like that, but I do have a number of conditions that complicate the mission. Over two years I have developed Type II diabetes, elevated cholesterol, fatty liver(which could also be result of former lifestyle issues). Over the past few months I have developed a treatment resistant kidney stone in one kidney & a benign tumor in the other kidney. I've also found that there were pre-cancerous conditions in my uterus which I am being treated for, and thankfully all will be well with the proactive care.

This is not meant to be a "poor me" blog, as I said, all of these conditions should be able to be tackled or eased with the proper lifestyle and care. It is just more complicated than it may have been a few years back. Every medicine has the possibilty of side effects, and many have reactions with one another. You may take one to control blood sugar, and another to prevent cancer, but it raises blood sugar. You make changes toy your diet, but are on a medication that also can cause you to gain weight. You may take a medication to protect a kidney, but that may affect your liver. You get the point I am sure. The one common bond between each of my conditions is that they can either be caused by the excess weight(even endometrial cancer, which surprised me until I read the chemistry of how it can be caused and spread.), or exacerbated by it. In addition the weight and diabetes often need to be considered when looking at surgical and other options due to the risk of infection and many other possibilities.

I don't enjoy giving energy to these details. I realize that with work,healing, good food choices, and prayers I can hopefully reverse most of these conditions, and any that aren't practical for me to do so, I believe that Spirit can help, as long as I do my part. That is my suggestion right now, is to do our part when it is easier rather than wait until it's more complicated. I understand that weight is often a mask for underlying issues, so in that sense, it may never feel easy to deal with it, but why complicate things further for us? I am sending the prayer and intention out there for all who are struggling with weight, food or inactivity issues that you receive the support and guidance from every guiding force in your life and soul that you may find greater health with ease and joy.

I am grateful for my wake up call. Granted the phone has been ringing for a long time, but I am finally answering. Today is the first day of....

Just thinking....

Well I’ve been back from Virginia for a few months now, grateful for the time spent there and the knowledge I received. Honestly though, I still have lessons to learn, most especially about remembering to apply wisdom found.

It is so easy to fall back into old patterns and habits. I saw it almost instantly upon arrival home. It is also very easy to beat yourself up about it, and be swallowed by guilt. Neither of these are options that will assist in creating positive change. The only thing I can do is observe the patterns, forgive myself and make better choices today.

I was listening to some old Wayne Dyer cd’s yesterday, titled “How to be a no limits person”. At the end he asked a few questions for people to ponder, such as:

What would you do if you had only 6 months to live?

Who would you choose to live with if you had no history with the people currently in your lives? In other words, look objectively at the people around you and see who you would prefer to have in your life.

I thought about the answers to those questions in my life, and encourage you to do the same. I actually found the two to be very much intertwined as often when we look at making a big change it affects those we love.

With the answer to the first question, why not try now at least some of those things? None of us are ever guaranteed six months. I don’t say that to put out negative energy, but because there is truth in that. Now some may say that they can’t do those things because of practicality and responsibility. Others may find, that they can make the choice to take a risk and live and discover that joy now.

With those who feel they absolutely cannot do what they feel they would want to if they only had six months, I wonder about this perspective. Do you feel trapped in your current life, roles and responsibilities, or is it that your feeling of responsibility comes from a place of compassion and caring due to a deep love of those around you. If it is the first and you are where you are at solely because you feel you “should be” o you just landed there and never made a move, I encourage you to find ways to make some time for yourself, even if it’s a few minutes a day, to breathe and feel and allow yourself to explore what would truly make you happy. We all have choice, and it may mean that we sometimes sacrifice the material, for joy in the day to day, though I do believe that there are ways people can have both when they are willing to put the energy into it(this is something I continue to work at myself).

For those who felt they stay in the role they are out of love and care for those they feel a sense of responsibility for, I still suggest that you take the time to look at your own needs and true heart’s desires, and be sure those are being met in some way. We are after all responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness based on the choices of both our actions and perspective. If you find that you stay in this place because contributing to the joy and care of those around you brings you true satisfaction and joy then it sounds like you are in the right place, and in those moments when things feel a little overwhelming or you think you’d rather be somewhere else, you can remind yourself that you are there out of love, not just the love of another, but the love of yourself, because you are truly making the choice based on what makes you feel good overall. Being there in that place of support actually makes you happier, than if you were not. The ideal is when you have that beautiful balance of both giving and receiving love and support.

When I thought about the second question regarding choosing those you would like to love with, and be close to, really choosing your own family, it was definitely interesting for me. I feel the goal in the exercise was seemingly to look at who is in your life, who are those that bring something to your life, maybe who are those that may bring out a more negative aspect etc and decide what you really want in your life. What/who makes you feel good? The truth is we all have the opportunity to choose every day what we do with our lives, and who we have in our lives. We can bring those who bring us joy closer, and we can choose to focus on those people. If there are people who seemingly bring only heartbreak, it is our choice to distance ourselves, or to choose different reactions to those people. We do not have to stay engaged in negativity. If we do, it is our choice, not something that is put upon us. Granted that is not always an easy concept to accept if you feel it is being thrown at you, but there certainly is freedom in knowing we always have choice.

The joy in this exercise for me though, truly was in looking at those around me and realizing that I really would not make an changes in those I have surrounding and within my inner circle. There are times in my life when it was necessary, but I really feel I have been blessed to have been taught many of these lessons through my study of Spiritualism, and though I often have to re-educate myself, I have learned to truly value those who love and care about me, and draw them closer, and those who treat me otherwise I will respect and send love to and share space with, but I try not to get caught up in any webs of bad feelings and allow them their relationships, and concentrate on mine. But truly I am overflowing with the love of friends and family and I find when you do put your energy into love rather than anything else, that it grows exponentially.

Though I am constantly learning, and re-learning, I will share with you that which I need to share with myself. A reminder: Take the time to figure out what you want and what makes you happy. If you don’t know, you can’t strive for it, and may not recognize when you have it, but also don’t forget to open your eyes to what is here now and appreciate that. Ask yourself, do you feel love? And don’t create a box as to what or who that love should be, but allow yourself be surprised at the beautiful ways you will attract it in so many forms, and always love the beautiful being you have been created to be. You were born of love and can be nothing else. Send love to all, but draw those you love and who love you closer. Be love.